Keeping us in stitches

Jack has a toy that he has dubbed "Mr. Stinky Pants".

One morning, while I was in the shower, Maggie poked her head in. I caught a "whiff". I asked if she'd pooped, and she said "uh-huh". I asked if she had stinky pants. She informed me; "I no Stinky Pants. I Maggie."

The tail end of Jack conversation on his newest broken cellular phone; "3pm. Okay Dad, I'm ready for the concert."

Upon waking up, Jack informs me; "I feel pee-ish" (translation: I need to go to the bathroom). As I enter their room, Maggie informs me; "I sweeping." (I'm sleeping.)

Jack: "Hey mom, splish is onomatopoeia!"

At bedtime, the kids are trying their best to stay awake. I hear Maggie saying; "Jack, go Af'ica!" Jack comes and tells me; "Mom, Maggie is telling me to go to Africa, but I don't know the way."

Our van has been out of commission for 4 weeks, and at the transmission shop for a week. I went to pick it up this afternoon, only to find that on the way home, it was worse than it had been previously. Realizing I probably wouldn't make it home, we stopped at a Burger King. I grabbed some burgers for us so we wouldn't be dealing with the situation on empty stomachs. While we're eating and mulling over options, Jack suggests I do the steering and they'll push the van. If only ....

Jack: "Ooo ooo ooo, ooo eee" Maggie, it's loading."

In the car, observing a tiny spider on his carseat: "Maybe it's a Daddy Small-legs."

Maggie told me the other day that she wanted a "waddi-pop". She wanted to go to the Dr. and get a shot for a "waddi-pop".

Queen for a day

Jack: "Dad, the vampire sits like this," (as he crouches like a catcher in baseball).

Maggie on the way home the other day; "See-ur-vee." It took me a minute, but I realized she was trying to say CRV. So I asked if she saw a CRV like Daddy's, then looked and lo and behold, there was a silver CRV just like what Jeffry drives.

Mom: "Why did Clifford grow so big?"

Jack: "Because Emily Elizabeth gave him some of her love."

Jack to Bible Study guests: "Have a good afternoon."

Mimic Maggie: "Have a goon!"

Let's see if I can remember this ....

Jack: "I was saying "Holy Kratz" when I was still in bed."

Mom: "Do you mean "Wild Kratz", like Zaboo?"

Jack: "No. Holy Kratz."

Mom: "What's that?"

Jack: "It's what you say when you don't want to do something. Holy kratz! Why do I have to do this?"

Mom: "Hmmmm."

We thought we'd have to call a plumber to come unclog our toilet. I think Jack was excited at the prospect. He came to me saying; "I've never seen a real plumber before. Do plumbers have snorkels?" I'm guessing that he's gotten that idea from our Old Maid cards. I first thought he'd asked if they had sparkles, though. Either way, it was funny.

Maggie is doing pretty good on potty training, so long as you're only counting to number one. Pardon me while I go "queen her up". (clean her up)

"Nice-a-meetchu" = nice to meet you.

"'Noculers" = binoculars

Fantastic sneezes

Maggie: "I goin' work."

Mom: "You're going to work, Maggie? What are you going to do at work?"

Maggie: "I go see Mommy Daddy."

Jack, after some offense Maggie's offenses; "I think we need a new toddler."

Maggie grabbed the dishtowel and stated; "To wes-cue!" (To the rescue!)

Jack: "BOB the Builder, Maggie. Not Wob the Builder."

"Two-whoa" = stool

"Duh-di-shus" = delicious

"Kix" = Kix, but said with a lot of enthusiasm, and a little jump (so cute)

"wadi-pop" = lollipop

"E'mo diks" = follow me on this one .... she's actually saying "Elmo Sticks", Elmo is on Sesame Street, I just bought Sesame Sticks at Trader Joes; hence: "e'mo diks" are Sesame sticks.

Jack: "Dad, you're a fantastic good looking man."

Jack: (not quite verbatim) "Hey mom, next time we have Bible Study, I'll give this feather to Susanna 'cause she's in Kindergarden. Everyone who's in Kindergarten, I'll give a feather to."

Jack is a photic sneezer. After he's sneezed twice, I will say; "Now we can start our day." And after years of this, now, he will say it once he's sneezed.